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The inevitability and irreversibility of loss

By way of contrast, Lacan’s view is that losses are inevitable and irreversible, and they must be mourned. We mustn’t spend our whole lives complaining that we’ve been gypped and trying to get back what we feel we’ve lost out on. Now, once those losses are recognized for what they are and mourned, they can be sublimated or sublated in a sense, transmogrified with the coming to the fore of the phallic signifier, the Phallus with a capital P, symbolized by the matheme Φ. This is a forward-looking, as opposed to a backward-looking project. Rather than regressing to childhood to repair all the “damage” that was done, there is a push toward the recognition that what was, simply was what it was, it had to be that way (there is no point whining “If only things had been different….”); and a push toward the symbolization of something that can move things forward.

Bruce Fink, Lacan on Desire, loc 2379